Life and death

Our days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months…well the month of January and it is just about over. WTH is that all about?

Our year ended unplanned with the death of Carlos’ grandfather so it was a bitter sweet New Year to say the least. It’s been almost a month and time is still going. It’s so weird how one life ends but the rest of us move on. Death is an odd thing, one that I truly haven’t grasped yet. It’s such a sad process and sometimes, me being the optimistic person I am, wish that it wasn’t so darn depressing. I know there are instances where a life is cut way to short or someone loses an awful battle from a mean disease. But I do wish that when a person has lived a good long life it just isn’t so darn sad, but in reality it will be and there is no way around it.

Now Carlos grandmother isn’t doing so well so I think mentally everyone is trying to prepare themselves and spend time with her while she is here. They were married 59 years, can you imagine? The minute her husband died she began the process of dying as well. Although I don’t know if she fully understood that he was gone, her heart knew. He told her, he wanted her and still does and I honestly think their reunion on the other side will be beautiful and they will be able to live happily ever after. For that reason, maybe it won’t be so sad?

I’ve lost 3 of my grandparents, all to serious diseases. My grandfather Matthews, who I never knew, his life was cut way too short from cancer, he was in his 30’s. My grandmother Nancy fought a long battle with cancer and my Grandpa Navin was an alcoholic. I long for the day that I can see them again. I miss being called Dolly by my grandfather, I only wish my grandmother would send me a box full of crap from her attic again and I would love to meet my other grandfather to see if my dad is anything like him and just get to know him.

I haven’t been to too many funerals. Both my grandparents were cremated so there were only memorial services. I sure did learn a lot from Carlos grandfather’s funeral though. I made a lot of my own personal decisions about when I die. I know what I do and don’t want for myself and others grieving for me. I am a giver for sure and I want to be a giver until I die and after. I want my body to be donated. Donate every good organ I have so someone else can live a longer life and a part of me will carry on. For me that is the way I want to go and be remembered, hopefully it won’t be anytime soon though!

In the end life moves on whether we are ready or not.